Never Let 'em See You Sweat

Some days I feel like I play a nonstop game of Whack a Mole – except it is most days and it isn’t a game. To someone looking in from the outside, it may appear that the last handful of years have not been overly kind to my family but I recognize that our circumstances are not unique and in the grand scheme of things, not that bad. Many families I know have felt the crunch over the last few years, be it financial, health issues, a complete shift in family dynamics or just general lack of hours in the day. The loss of loved ones, job change (or loss), aging of a parent or experiencing an empty nest can each on their own lead to extreme stress which sometimes manifests itself in marriage strife or health complications. Juggle several of these major life events, or all of them as in our case and things get real. Tie them all up with a hormone fluctuating, menopause bow and it is a gift that keeps on giving! In our home, we have had a number of events over the years that have tested our collective mettle but we always manage to come out on the other side, and for that, I am eternally grateful.

When faced with a big ole’ pile of ick, you have to have a toolbox or bag of tricks at the ready to help you navigate it. It is better to have at least the bones of this tool kit in place before an issue arises, but no worries if you don’t – life has a way of giving you what you need if you just look or ask for it. For our family, humor has always been a path through the dark. Whether at the funeral of a beloved neighbor, around the table during a difficult family conversation about job loss or in a hospital room where my husband lay with tubes and wires protruding from every existing orifice of his body along with a few surgically placed ones for good measure – humor has reared its head and soundly delivered us from things that might otherwise break us. Combining comedic relief with our deep personal faith, there isn’t anything we have come up against that we haven’t been able to handle, though I wouldn’t mind if the universe stopped trying quite so hard to send challenges our way.

 I’m well aware there are those who may see our shoulder shaking, silent laughter during a funeral as disrespectful. I have been admonished by a close family friend during a time of extreme financial hardship that “job loss is NO laughing matter” in response to my statement that “at least now, I might finally get my Tupperware cupboard organized and my orphan socks matched up”. More than one nurse shook their head at the sight of me bouncing into the intensive care ward over a three-week span sporting a string of “Just Eat Peas” and “Down With Beef!” t-shirts I made in response to an unfortunate incident involving my husband and what we refer to as the “shish-ka-bob of death”. (That is a story for a different day.) Everyone processes stress differently, to be sure. Luckily, our clan tends to get each other’s references even if the outside world doesn’t quite understand. In our family, sardonic humor and dry wit tend to serve us well and by that, I am perpetually blessed.

 The constant need to be “on” can wear a body down which is why it is imperative to find your bliss and explore your strengths. Don’t leave opportunities to refill your cup and recharge your batteries to chance. Does time spent in solitude fortify your resources? Does an evening snuggled under a comfy blanket with a special someone give you the strength to fight another day? Maybe dressing up in ridiculous outfits and belting out show tunes in front of a raucous crowd is more your speed. Sometimes life can feel like a gerbil wheel and other times that wheel comes loose and careens around the cage. Perhaps you will have to deal with a broken wheel that cannot possibly be bent back into shape. Hopefully, nothing but warmth and sunshine grace your world but some of the most beautiful skies can be seen after, or sometimes even during a storm so don’t despair. If you find yourself in a situation that starts to rock your world – use your tools. Lean on your people. Find your voice. Do your dance. Do not worry about what others may think or that you might offend someone. If I had let my inhibitions stop me from accessing my coping mechanisms, I would still be curled up in a little ball in a corner somewhere instead of living my life and loving my people. I don’t know about you, but I would much rather weather a few raised eyebrows or tongue clucks and come out on the other side than stay buttoned-down and implode. Besides, I’ve gotten some pretty cool T-Shirts out of the deal.